how's that working out for you?

The message hit it on the head this morning. Forgivness is so messy in my life. One of the main reasons for all the dysfunction. I'm not good at it.

"We don't want to know they have the power to hurt us."


Right.
So i get hurt and IGNORE.
They'll get the point.
They will SEE that I'm hurt. And evaluate themselves.
If I deal with it addressing the issue, they (and I) will know that they have the power to hurt me.
And in giving them that power, I become vulnerable.
I don't really do vulnerability.
So I'm sitting there thinking "Yeah, that's me. Tough shell."
then...


"HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU?"


Just had to put that in there, Steven.

Well, it's not working out for me.
It makes things worse. It hurts worse.
And I just want to scream sometimes.

To be honest, Satan sometimes whispers that I deserve it. So this adds to my retreat.


The truth is that I don't deserve it.
And the "hurter" doesn't deserve my cold shoulder either.

What would it be like if now, after all of my ignoring, I finally set myself free?
It's a scary thing to think about.
But I feel very strongly that this particular thing is what God is calling me to do.
Calling everyone to do...


"But now, I want to lay out a far better way for you." 1 Corinthians 12:31